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2-0! Concrete Evidence that Prayer Works

Written by Makarona Nov 15th, 2009
Sunday, 15th of November, 2009

One miraculous goal within a moment of the game’s beginning, followed by another miraculous goal within a moment of the game’s ending – a coincidence? “No!” says Sheikh Shawerma, a renowned authority on the science of halal meat as well as holy sports such as archery and home-made explosives. “This is evidence that Allah did in fact hear our prayers,” he affirmed. Indeed, how could God not have heard? With a nation-...

Egypt's Olympic Athletes Exempted from Anti-Doping Rules

Written by Subar Lox Nov 2nd, 2009
Monday, 2nd of November, 2009

In hopes of providing a competing chance for Olympic athletes of under-performing nations, Egypt and Botswana will now be allowed to use performance enhancing drugs at the next Olympic Games. The International Olympic Committee's latest announcement raised a few eyebrows from the likes of China, the US and Russia. However, all eyebrows returned to their original resting place when it was revealed which two countries...

Pharaohs Impress at U20 World Cup

Written by Ward Zeyada Oct 23rd, 2009
Friday, 23rd of October, 2009

A handful of Egypt's under 20 team's stars are reportedly on the summer shopping list of top clubs such as Shebein el Kom and Baladeyyet el Mahalla. After a shock 1-0 victory against established Trinidad & Tobago, the Young Pharaohs managed to keep their losses to under six goals to prove that they have what it takes to perform on the international stage. With the likes of Bogy, Afroto, Jaackie and Mohamed...

The Cricket Revolution Reaches Egypt

Written by Subar Lox Oct 22nd, 2009
Thursday, October 22nd, 2009

Magdy Paddlebat is a sporting prophet. His goal? To convert Egypt’s football worshippers to cricket maniacs. This cricketing messiah was whisked away as a child from his home in Trinidad and Tobago and brought to Cairo, Egypt, where he grew up.  Even as he suckled his mother’s bare breasts (she boasted D cups, Paddlebat asked us to add), he recalls watching lengthy cricket matches on television, ones that often...

An Unusual Addition to Ronaldo’s Trophy Cabinet

Written by Subar Lox Oct 21st, 2009
Wednesday, October 21st, 2009

In a surprise move by the famous Emmy Awards, world record signing Cristiano Ronaldo, the Real Madrid and Portugal winger, was awarded an Emmy for his performances on the field. A statement released by the Academy stated, “Cris has worked so hard over the years and he has always been rewarded for his actual football skills, but astonishingly his performances off the ball and rolling around on the ground are always...