Fri, 10/23/2009 - 20:42
After billions of Egyptian pounds and years of investigations, the National Research Center (NRC) has finally concluded: “Yes, the Earth is round!”
“It’s as we feared,” said leader researcher Dr. Timmy El Katkoot, “the world is not flat!” Despite repeated reassurances from other countries of the world that the planet was in fact round, the NRC was adamant “not to just believe in anything anyone says,” as Dr. Katkoot worded it. (Read more about Egypt’s finest scientist below)
The news has been received with widespread disbelief among Egyptians here, with confused citizens irritably asking, “But how come I don’t feel like I’m going downhill when I walk south?” and “just what is holding the world up if it’s round, magic?”
For now, the NRC can only respond to such queries with a somber, “We just don’t know yet.”
Currently, billions of more pounds, once intended for building schools, will now have to be relocated to the NRC for the next big scientific puzzler: could it really be that it’s not the sun that’s going round the Earth?
Dr. Katkoot is one of Egypt’s few professed Scientologists, a religion teaching that Xanu, an alien ruler of the “Galactic Confederacy”, brought billions of humans to Earth 75 million years ago and stacked them around volcanoes.
Defending his beliefs, Dr. Katkoot says, “As a scientist, I must commit fully to the principles of Scientology – I mean, imagine a terrorist who didn’t believe in terrorology? It would be highly unprofessional!”