Tue, 12/15/2009 - 01:37
Following last month's vote that resulted in a ban on the construction of minarets throughout the federation, Switzerland is set to handle the growing threat of Muslim immigration coined "non-Swiss chocolate". While the majority of Western European countries have not succeeded in outcasting Muslims outright, and in some cases going as far as granting them basic rights, the Swiss have become an example of a functional democracy that guarantees equality to all citizens that matter.
Reaching such a historical achievement was no walk in the park. The Association of Swiss Saviors, or ASS, is a group of liberal, intellectual teenagers who have realized that climate change, and the financial crisis accompanied by poor chocolate exports are of little concern when compared to the ever present, imminent threat of Muslim infiltration.
Dr. Merde Scheisse, Professor of Inter-cultural Dialogue, author of What you need to know about Ey-rabs, and the person behind ASS, spoke to EKT about the initiative. "I was mortified to hear that many of the non-whites here are not 'illegals', but were in fact granted entry visas by the Swiss government itself," he exclaimed. "That's when I decided it was time to act."
The uptight Dr. Scheisse has vowed to fight until "Switzerland is free of any hatred, intolerance and Muslims."
The campaign put forward by ASS was a thoughtful and diplomatically-argued one indeed, and backed with strongly designed posters. Dr. Scheisse believes that it was necessary to spread awareness of the issue.
Although the Swiss are generally well-educated, reports indicate that as few as 37% were aware that Muslims use minarets for flagging areas as Potential Future Terrorist Targets (PFTT). Shockingly, only 48% were informed that Muslims and Arabs ultimately want to rid the world of infidels. Thanks to the tremendous efforts exerted by ASS, the Swiss people were objectively enlightened and have accordingly made up their minds. This law is reported to be the first of many to ensure total equality between the different ethnic groups.
Many countries have followed the Swiss example, as Spain has decided to make Saint James 'The Arab Killer' its official patron, France banned the hijab, and is working on prohibiting the burqa, the Netherlands has displayed evidence that Muslims are genetically disposed to terrorism, while Jamaica has been cracking down on hash consumers (knowing that only Arab Muslims prefer the Kit Kat shaped marijuana over their acclaimed weed).
An angry response is expected from the likes of Saudi Arabia, although experts are clueless as to how it will possibly makes matters worse for the Christians in the Kingdom. On a lighter note, Switzerland has proven to be ahead of the rest, and if the remaining countries don't follow soon, they might risk becoming doomed, not to mention hairy and tanned.