Thu, 11/25/2010 - 00:01
An ant colony was discovered just south of an Israeli settlement in the West Bank yesterday, forcing the Israeli government to halt massive construction plans in the area.
Israeli authorities are currently still sighing in relief after having almost caused an ant-based holocaust with their bulldozers.
"I couldn't live with myself if countless ants had become homeless just so I could have a bigger backyard," said one relieved Israeli who was suffering from constipation for weeks.
Underway are small borders being set up around the ant colony to ward off any pedestrians bent on unwittingly committing an ant holocaust by treading over the area.
A spokesperson for the Israeli Committee for Moral Conquest stated that “soil evidence suggests this colony was here in some form or other way before 1948. Can you image the horror of turning countless ants into refugees and never allowing them to return to where they’d lived for generations? Who would do such a thing?”
Currently, several nearby “Palestinian”* towns in the West Bank now face demolition in order to give the ant colony “breathing space.”
Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu explained the humane act by saying, “Given what happened to our people during the Holocaust, I think we’ve just developed this natural sensitivity to the well being of other creatures.”
US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton praised Israel for its consideration, saying the move will surely help foster closer ties between Israeli and Americans ants.
Meanwhile, “Palestinians” are still accusing Israel of slowly colonizing the West Bank with illegal settlements, something that maverick “Palestinian” leader Mahmoud Abbas is threatening to throw a major tantrum over any minute now.
Shmelly Rekhtum, head of the Israeli Humane Colonization Movement, said “Palestinian” sentiments towards their settlements were clearly anti-Semitic.
“There must be thousands of undetected ant colonies in the West bank and millions and millions of ants,” said Rekhtum, “but no, Palestinians choose to ignore all of them and only complain about our comparatively meager 300,000 or so settlers and their handful of colonies.”
The compelling argument made by Rekhtum is being seen by the international media as an “Ohhhh-shiaat -how-you-gonna-respond-to-dat?” moment for “Palestinians” and their supporters.
An initial comeback by “Palestinians” pointed to the sheer difference in space taken up by Israelis compared to ants, but this counter has been quickly rebutted as yet another instance of anti-Semitism.
“This racist retort suggests Jews are genetically too big compared to ants to be treated decently and without double standards,” said Rekhtum, who began to seep an odd gas while speaking.
While “Palestinians” currently remain stumped for words, Egyptian authorities are now investigating the possibility of exporting subsidized natural gas to the ant colony, with plans underway to increase Israeli ant tourism in Sinai.
*Please note that due to extreme pressure from the US Department of State, EKT must refer to Palestinians as “Palestinians."