Tue, 05/10/2011 - 18:50
The Egyptian Salafi movement has accused the Indian government of holding captive millions of Hindus and Buddhists who had allegedly been Muslims in a previous life.
“These people had converted to Islam at some point in the distant past and they are now being kept hidden inside Buddhist temples and ashrams all over South Asia,” said Salafi leader Mohammed Hareeqa while ominously playing with a box of matches.
“We have given the Indian government a one month ultimatum before we smoke these captives out and reclaim them as true, properly bearded Muslim men and women,” Hareeqa told EKT, unaware that a small section of his own beard had caught on fire when he dramatically ignited a match while saying the words "smoke them out."
Meanwhile, nearly two thousand Salafis are planning to travel to Bangkok next week to protest against the huge number of Buddhists who were allegedly Muslims in previous lives but now either don’t remember or don’t seem to care.
Interestingly, when EKT pointed out to Hareeqa that Islam does not recognize reincarnation, he contracted his eyebrows: “I admit I never actually read the entire Koran -- have you seen how heavy that book is? -- but if their own religion says reincarnation exists and they believe they were Muslims previously, then we have to respect … uhh, wait … obahhh.”
The Salafis’ shift towards Asia comes after two incidences where their members were incensed by separate rumours of Christian women converting to Islam before being abducted by reportedly Mossad-trained Copts and hidden inside churches.
During a rally earlier this week, Hareeq had said: “Copts are trying to control their women and hide them, but they are forgetting just who invented the niqab and the burqa. The art of hiding women is our territory, not theirs!”
Hareeqa first rose to notoriety when he attacked the Dalai Lama at a UN conference in Geneva last year, grabbing the lama by his crimson/yellow galabeya and bellowing into his face: “WERE YOU MUSLIM IN BREVIOUS LIFE??”
The Dalai Lama reportedly had to meditate for ten days straight after the attack in order to regain the ability to smile again.
In related news, former President Hosni Mubarak is reportedly aiming to be reborn as the building of a Swiss bank in Zurich for his next life. He is widely believed to have been La Vache qui Rit’s iconic laughing cow in his previous life.