Wed, 06/27/2012 - 19:48
In an attempt to appease Egyptian liberals concerned about an Islamist takeover, President-elect Mohamed Morsi has chosen an agnostic bisexual vegetarian for the vice-presidency. The as yet unnamed individual may be the only openly agnostic bisexual vegetarian in Egypt.
According to a Muslim Brotherhood spokesman, it was extremely difficult finding an Egyptian that fit the specifications, but the MB was able to track one down just before the departure of Zamalek – an affluent island in central Cairo which mysteriously travelled up the Nile and into the Mediterranean before docking off the southern coast of Italy, immediately after Morsi was announced president.
The hunt for an agnostic bisexual vegetarian was due to a report by MB psychologists who, after years of analyzing the “liberal mindset”, characterized it as “religiously uncertain, and therefore prone to a confused sexual orientation, while also being overly concerned with animal welfare.” As such, the need for an agnostic bisexual vegetarian was obvious.
The 43 year-old VP, who allegedly only subsides on a diet of vodka and celery, is a part-time interior decorator and part-time socialist who also has his own jewelry line. The MB has noted that the agnostic bisexual vegetarian VP is politically savvy, donating profits from his jewelry sales to help “provide poor African kids with sunscreen.” He is also credited with organizing the campaign to save the monkey at Cairo White.
The VP, who now resides at Tamarai nightclub after the departure of his home in Zamalek, is reportedly proud to represent the Egyptian liberal community, which is known to fervently support democracy, so long as wealthy women can continue to wear hot shorts in El Gouna and select private compounds in the North Coast.
President Morsi’s choice of VP is the strongest indicator yet that the MB is ultimately unconcerned about what people believe in or how they use their genitals, at least so long as the organization is allowed to enforce its neo-liberal economic program, which is designed to make the rich richer, and the bearded rich even richer.