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NEW LAW: Egyptian brides without hymens to be returned for refund

"No more damaged goods!" say Egypt’s grooms to the Consumer Protection Agency

| Written by makarona

Thu, 11/26/2009 - 15:48

Egyptian grooms can now complain to the Consumer Protection Agency if their brides “are missing a hymen, or are otherwise faulty,” according to the new law.

If the marital product, also known as “woman”, is found without the highly-prized tissue still intact, bride consumers can return the damaged commodity within 7 days of trying it out, in which case they will then receive compensation from its manufacturer, or “parent”.

Contrary to unpopular belief, Egyptian women are expected to preserve their hymens at least until their wedding day.

The new law is a response to a growing trend of more and more marital products falsely presenting themselves as first-hand goods, when in fact other consumers had tested them out secretly before. “Imagine spending LE200,000 on a new car then finding out some other prick had taken it for a ride before you?” says Moneer El Modage3, an avid car collector and Middle East hymen expert.

This sentiment is shared by a majority of Egyptian bride consumers and manufacturers, known for often violently disposing of marital products if the treasured bubble wrap goes missing before the so-called "entry night".

“The manufacturer of my ex tried to tell me my purchase was damaged only due to frequent horseback riding in its past,” said one disgruntled bride consumer, “but in the end I got a refund and bought a new model with a longer expiration date.”

Saudi conservative leader Imar Wekhimar, a frequent visitor to Egypt, praised the new law, though with some reservations. “Quality control in marital products is long overdue,” he said between sips of fermented grapes, “I just wish they extended it to young boys too.”

Not all Egyptians are happy with the new law, however – particularly the XX-based gender. A minority of extreme “liberals” are arguing that the so-called marital products are in fact conscious, claiming that consumers should be more concerned with what’s inside the head-shaped region, rather than obsess about the one time-use tissue.

“Ha!” says El Modage3, “What’s next? Stop sexually harassing them in the streets?!” Justifiably, El Modage3 and other consumers are worried that attaching any real value to “women” themselves may interfere with the ongoing 7000 year old plan for men to rule the universe.

Alyaa

Thu, 11/26/2009 - 18:34

Wahahahahahahahah! I so love that! ROFL @ Al-Modage3

Anonymous

Thu, 11/26/2009 - 18:49

HAHAHAHAHA.. '“Ha!” says El Modage3, “What’s next? Stop sexually harassing them in the streets?!”'' LoL

Loves it!

Anonymous

Fri, 11/27/2009 - 00:39

on another note, after el modage3 read this "highly biased article", a highly acclaimed and trusted source has informed us that he has taken about himself to take his revenge upon the "Liberal Westernized Social Infiltrators" and hired Korombo "A well reputed investigator" to look deeper into the matter, and so Korombo has published his report regarding the koshary clan to government officials and Mr. Modage3 ... a report which we had held a copy of incidently and i quote " It has been found that several of the Koshary clan, are highly influenced by their western peers, and in doing so have lost several of their "disposable tissues", unfortunately for them, being members of this unfortunate mentally degenerate society as their senior spokes official has called it (Mr. Ta2leya maskha" they have taken it upon their sorry selves to mock their inability to be accepted by this society, and repackage it in the form of the society's own inadequecies, while subliminally glorifying their prepackaged mass produced western ideologies they gladly picked up from western flea markets, convenient stores and stand up comedians such as Eddie Izzard and George Carlin, just another example of how copying and pasting may lead to no more than a big mess, in other words leads to "Koshary"!

Feminist Westerner

Fri, 11/27/2009 - 01:51

To the second anonymous:

As a westerner, who is highly critical of his culture, particularly its foreign imperialist policy, I'd like to object to your condescending response to an insightful article that tackles misogynistic attitudes.

This kind of commodification of women that is disturbingly prevalent in the world today is truly disgusting, whatever culture it exists in. And anyone who has the intelligence to question this and highlight the sinister absurdity should be commended. So go swivel dick brain! Up yours, you're never gonna get laid - although clearly that's what you need.

Anonymous

Fri, 11/27/2009 - 11:44

Dear Feminist wrestler,

I realize its "westerner", but i read it "wrestler" at first, and after reading your response it made much more sense to call you so.

Not to get too serious on you because this isn't the place to be serious *wink *wink *Helloooooooooooooooo Common Sense Calling Feminist Wrestler.... Koshary?!!! ... yeah right!

While i find your juvenile rambling and creative amusement park swears entertaining, it is nothing more or less amusing than a sneezing monkey ...though i think the later might surpass your wit a little bit more ....

on another note i heard bitches were filing a public lawsuit against dogs to reclaim their dog pound right to strut their stuff in the hood, said Poochi Loochi, Bitches' SpokesBitch and Silky tail pride of the left block of 69 street and i quote "Bitches have the right to strut their stuff, just as dogs have the right to pee in corners and beneath trees, WE DEMAND EQUALITY, and we DEMAND MORE DOGGY LOVE, that's Poochi Loocy Silky Tail , besta recognize, Beeeatch!

Mo-ha-med

Sat, 11/28/2009 - 22:29

"...preserve their hymens at least until their wedding day." (!!!)
I love the stories, but it's the little quirky details that really crack me up. Bravo, fellows, bravo!

Prize

Sat, 12/05/2009 - 04:42

Wow. How stupid is it to focus on a hymen as proof of virginity while most arab men aren't virgins themselves when they get married. How fair is that: men can do but not girls? This is why there is an increase of girls having anal sex to preserve their hymen. Lol. Their front private is virgin but not their butt hole.

Redz

Sat, 12/05/2009 - 12:46

WTS THE FK IS THIS CRAP ??? YOU THINK THAT ITS FUN ???? SCREW URSELF !!!

Anonymous

Sun, 12/06/2009 - 00:15

Hymens are now imported from china so spare parts are available w bel daman kaman. no need to worry ya btoo3 el koshary :P

concerned expatriate

Sun, 12/06/2009 - 13:29

I was very disturbed by this article & as an Egyptian expatriate living in Zanzibar would like to contribute to the plight of Egyptian men & the high unemployment rate amongst them.
I have therefore decided to invest a significant amount of my personal capital to establish a QA/QC Testing facility in the tax free zone in Port-Said. We shall employ 80% Egyptians (has to be from Saaid i.e. upper Egypt as they are well qualified by nature) and the remaining 20% will be Zanzibarian technicians.

Zanzibarian Ambassador

Sun, 12/06/2009 - 21:58

Dear Concerned Expatriate,

On behalf of the Zenzebarian People, i applaude your trust in our people's Hymen Checking Competencies and can assure you we are up to the job and eager to take on the Egyptian Hymen Checking market full blow, provided health benefits include treatment for STD's that is, We Zenzebarians like to be clean and serene at all times.

I would also like to congratulate China for contributing to resolving the Hymen Issue in Egypt in the most peaceful way, and would like to encourage other countries to follow in the path.

I would like to end my message by encouraging the Egyptian People to accept "Jamal" which i believe is beauty as the moto for the coming era, where chinese beauty prevails and everybody is happy and joyful in the chinese Hymen "Jamal" era.

Best Regards,

Zanzibarian Ambassador

Salam

Tue, 12/08/2009 - 18:47

once upon a time in the land that is now destroyed by uncle Sam, there was a very famous expert in hymen restoration, her name was Dr. Fatima El Khourassan,"good bless her sole" she was visited by an unfortunate young woman who was taken for a spin.
Fatima magically fixed her.
It's a 100 dinars, you are new and good to go she said.

the young woman returned with her head down 2 months later to plied for another fix.
200 dinars said Fatima, why she replied, it's more difficult the second time around, don't do it again.

3 more months went by and here is our young woman back in Fatima's clinic, What am I going to do with you, frustrated Fatima gave her full anesthesia and did what she had to do this time.
When she woke up Fatima said it's 1000 dinars this time.
The young woman started tearing and asked why so much.
With a big smile Fatima answered:

There is no need to come back I installed a revolving door

da2a

Sun, 12/13/2009 - 14:56

lol

Walker

Wed, 12/23/2009 - 16:12

Guys, what you do is no doubt skilful. But creativity is not always fun. Some of your articles are really creepy! If you think that being liberal means to treat any issue with flatulence (as you do in this site) then you really are such frustrated and sick society!

Aboul-Romy

Sun, 12/27/2009 - 03:59

Ya Salam, if only all our doors were revolving, men wouldn't have to worry about breaking doors when they go barging through them...

Again, good form.

Interpreter

Mon, 12/28/2009 - 10:10

Hahahahahahaha! But what if men were the faulty goods! Can't we complain!! Unfair!!

Lebanese Mouage3 :P

Fri, 01/15/2010 - 13:24

HAHAHAHAHA! love it! lol

Peter

Sun, 01/17/2010 - 12:20

There has to be a way to identify which Anonymous is which... I mean, now I want to tell the second and third Anonymous dudes they're douche-bags (ha!) who miss the point, project their own demons onto el koshary staff, and seem to be prejudiced against the website as a whole... But I dunno if they're the same person or not!

Oh and 2nd Anonymous dude, I applaud your copy-paste-phobia.

3antar

Tue, 01/26/2010 - 17:05

stop sexual harassing in the street ?
woow i like it
lool
frankly sexual harassing in the street is a very bad habit in a country like Egypt because of the culture of Egyptians that virgins don't shave their pussies and that's very disgusting for me :(
thank you for reading

Anonymous

Thu, 01/28/2010 - 11:24

If this article is about mocking virginity, which actually does and it goes back to the same old rheotoric of "equality between genders in f*ing" same as "equality between genders in smoking"...this stupid ideology has nothing to do with freedom or equality...it resembles something like "equality in behaving like animals"!!!. I mean we should not be seeking "equality" between genders in wrong behavior, but rather we ought to stop the wrong behavior. That's the mistake the world committed, when instead of denouncing smoking all together, feminists thought of showing their equality and freedom by sharing men the same disgusting habit...Similar stupid and blind attitude can be traced in "pre-marital sex"..Instead of denouncing fornication as an insult to the meaning of love, a degradation of the beauty and refined meaning of love and sex; a sexual abuse, women thought that it is a "war of equality and gender rights" and instead of denouncing this screaming "sexual abuse", they joined in the zoo....no wonder why this abuse is badly reflected on them and on their sense of security and on their taste and perception of love and beauty..and ofcouse, same goes for men...who have equally lost the refined perception of love and sex and have turned into lustful animals..both genders now have grown this "frenzy" for sex...and have lost the beauty of themselves as refined humans.I know that this is not a serious forum, but seriously, the last thing we want to mock is the beauty of mind that most people have lost.

Another Anonymous

Thu, 01/28/2010 - 11:29

http://www.elkoshary.com/features/new-law-egyptian-brides-without-hymens...
If this article is about mocking virginity, which actually does and it goes back to the same old rheotoric of "equality between genders in f*ing" same as "equality between genders in smoking"...this stupid ideology has nothing to do with freedom or equality...it resembles something like "equality in behaving like animals"!!!. I mean we should not be seeking "equality" between genders in wrong behavior, but rather we ought to stop the wrong behavior. That's the mistake the world committed, when instead of denouncing smoking all together, feminists thought of showing their equality and freedom by sharing men the same disgusting habit...Similar stupid and blind attitude can be traced in "pre-marital sex"..Instead of denouncing fornication as an insult to the meaning of love, a degradation of the beauty and refined meaning of love and sex; a sexual abuse, women thought that it is a "war of equality and gender rights" and instead of denouncing this screaming "sexual abuse", they joined in the zoo....no wonder why this abuse is badly reflected on them and on their sense of security and on their taste and perception of love and beauty..and ofcouse, same goes for men...who have equally lost the refined perception of love and sex and have turned into lustful animals…both genders now have grown this "frenzy" for sex...and have lost the beauty of themselves as refined humans. I know that this is not a serious forum, but honestly, mocking the beauty of mind that most people have lost is the last thing we want to do. Isn’t it enough that the western media has taken good care of that…poising people’s minds with wrong messages about love and sex. People this is not an issue of gender equality, so wake up and realize the ugliness behind the message of “pre-marital sex”…it is not about freedom or equality…its about “sexual abuse” which both genders are racing to practice!!!!If men F*, then they are animals and their irresponsible, degrading behavior must be denounced, not copied!

Anonymous

Fri, 02/12/2010 - 11:27

another anynonymous,
I really understand where you are coming from, but if you truly think that we can ever live in a world were EVERYONE would see sex as this beautiful act that we should "wait" for until we get married, then, my friend, you are fooling yourself.
It's great that some people would be moralistic and choose to see sex like that, but it's impossible that eighty million egyptians would all value sex so highly. We live in a world were we are surrounded by American telivision and can view pornography at the click of a mouse. (and no, I'm not blaming western media...the world is getting globalised, this was going to happen anyway) Not everyone is strong enough to abstain while surrounded by temptation. Actually, very few people are strong enough to abstain. As if it wasn't enough that human beings are natural curious about the opposite sex.
So now that we live in a country were you could spend four years in jail for fornication, then obviously, there's going to be like this huge amount of people who do it anyway because they're not strong enough to keep it in their pants. Those who don't get laid, decide to shout out um-very respectful comments-at every single woman they see in the street.

Mahmoud

Tue, 03/02/2010 - 17:19

Peter, INTA 3AYEL SAKHEEF

macarona's approach is bitter and shallow.

pre-marital sex is the main problem so stop occupying your minds with useless crap about hymen restoration and pressures on females by males and all that feminist crap. and stop classifying the society into groups and pitting them against each other.

Find a decent wife or husband, depending on your own measure of decent, and marry her or him. Deception and lies and the other b.s is for every couple to deal with; some wouldnt mind marrying "non-virgins" in the first place.

Its obvious that males dont have indicators of virginity, and its understood that females can have their hymens restored. betergho fe eh bezabt?

@anonymous nov. 27(3rd post, im guessing also the 5th post?) I really enjoyed the posts, you have a talent with satirical sarcasm. I wish you luck with the powerpuff girls and the ramblers on here.

This was the 1st article i read on this website and its enough to make me get off the computer and say i've read enough crap online for one day. well, facebook added to it.

no offense to anyone we 7amamti 3al mesh 3agbo

Omm Fatakaat

Thu, 03/11/2010 - 06:25

Women, like me, are only good for making food and making babies. And if all else fails with the hymen, a woman can always throw in there a sheep's liver or anything that bleeds.

Anonymous

Sat, 06/05/2010 - 17:36

Why is everyone so focused on the hymen? What happens when a girl marries a guy with a tiny penis or problems "getting it up?" What then? I hope there are doctors in Egypt to fix that problem too! Or do you just go to the vegetable market and buy a big cucumber?

Concerned Expatriate

Sat, 07/24/2010 - 00:39

Update from the concerned Zanzibarian expatriate:
The 20% Zanzibarian QC/QA technicians I brought to train and work with the 80% Sa3aida's died from exhaustion, while the 80% sa3aidas are growing stronger by the day and I am not able to supply them anymore. These people are animals! Please help save the hymen testing lab.

Anonymous

Mon, 09/20/2010 - 12:03

To anonymous (Friday, 12th of February, 2010 )

You totally miss the point of sex. Having sex with someone who is not your spouse, is meaningless and ugly. The only normal and meaningful use of sex is between married couples..without marriage, sex is debased. This is not just my refined perception, but this is rather the only context for sex to have a meaning, otherwise, you are abusing yourself far more than you can imagine by being drifted by this sex lust, which will take you nowhere and will fulfill you with nothing but emptiness at heart , and you will turn into an animal...f*** for the hell of it...and you wont be able to keep your pants on, because abuse leads to further abuse...and eventually self-destruction...look at those who are f*** freely abroad, they are not happy; they are rather lost and tired,feeling insecure and unsure about anything, they fall into depression and anger, and even when they get married, they can hardly keep their relations. You cant be free when you are enslaved by sex. So keeping your pants on is an essential test of self-control, and not self-supresson. When you understand sex as designed, you will not even have a tempting urge to resist, and this tempting urge will only be felt towards your spouse. If you look at sex as some object that you want to have, then you lose all rationality about the use and meaning of it, and you abuse it. So wake up and stop justifying sex abuse by surrounding conditions and western influence as if you have no control on your mind and you dont think. Seriously when we abuse the most beautiful and debase it, then what's left in this world?!

Womanist

Mon, 10/11/2010 - 12:14

Dear Writer,

Your article is not fun at all in fact it is offinsive and shame on you to write such thing about women and call them the F.... word 'goods', u made me sick wz ur words, i pity u for having such sick mind and soul. i am a woman and proud of being a woman, i am respectable with or without the so called 'hymen', God didn't create me as a good for your highness 'men' to consume. next time pick ur words or u ll lose a big range of readers (mostly women)

Alia

Thu, 11/04/2010 - 00:22

OMG it's so fucking hilarious!!
"entry night" BAHAHAHAHA!!
And Moneer El Modage3, ROFLMAO! real funny!

Sawsan Badr

Sat, 11/06/2010 - 00:33

Womanist
Uhm, I think you missed the whole point of the article.

Ladies and Gentlemen who refer to pre-marital sex as fornication:
How about you're not an animal, you're 100% human who thinks sex is a very sacred and beautiful things, but you're just an early professional or young student that doesn't know yet what to do with you life, and you're not in a phase where you can put L.E.200,000 into a housing project, and conclusively decide you're going to tie your career and future to the future of another person... Why should you be deprived from sex? And if (god forbid!) love someone, you can't touch them because you're an asshole professional who wants to advance in their career before committing to another person.

I'm not opening this for discussion (be that religious or social), I'm just sayin' you might consider this before you call pre-marital sex-ers "animals".

Koshary and Article, you have my blessings.

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