Thursday, 27th of November, 2014
Subscribe to our feed RSS

New Country for Elite Collapses!

Dozens of its wealthy citizens die after maids denied entry

| Written by makarona

Mon, 11/16/2009 - 02:43

It seemed to be a stroke of genius: two weeks ago Egypt’s elite united the borders of their residential compounds in Sheikh Zayed City, forging their own nation and thereby immediately ending the severe class divide that was plaguing Egypt for years.

Unfortunately, the new nation, which was finally named “Villas Indépendantes au Paradis”, or simply VIP, collapsed into mayhem and anarchy after just two weeks – two dire weeks where maids, gardeners, drivers, masseuses, and dog walkers were prevented from getting through the new border due to harsh visa requirements faced by Egyptians.

The results were devastating on VIPian citizens, with several deaths due to starvation. “When we lost our maid,” said Shereen Louvre, “I had to try operating that thing that heats the food – but I majored in interior design, for God’s sake! Not electrical engineering, OK?”

Mrs. Louvre lost her husband to malnutrition, a bitter sweet experience as she has also lost significant weight herself. “Now that I’m a size two at last, I don’t need to see my psychiatrist anymore,” she said compromisingly.

Yet deaths were the least of the VIPians' concerns, with neglected gardens falling into disarray and many children stuck wearing week-old diapers.

“It is physically impossible to raise children without nannies,” says one VIPian housewife. “I mean, I am a mother of two – how am I expected to raise them alone now that season five of Lost is airing on ShowSeries?”

Many VIPians however foresaw the collapse of their young nation early on. “When my feng shui consultant couldn’t get across the border,” says Lara Yara, “I knew there was no way we would survive as a people with all that negative energy coming from my new dining room.”

Perhaps the most devastated at the collapse of VIP is its ex-President Chantel Abdel Moneim, who was to be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize instead of US President Barak Obama.

“President Chantel had admirably hinted that she wanted to reduce tensions between the classes in Egypt,” said the Nobel Committee in justification of its decision, adding, “and while VIP had continued to bomb places like Shobra for water resources, re-establishing diplomatic relations was clearly on the president’s agenda.”

Efforts are currently underway to re-assimilate ex-VIPians back into Egypt, with former citizens now receiving free Arabic language classes to help foster dialogue during rare encounters with the masses. "Now I finally know when to use the letter 'P' in Arabic," says Lara Yara.

"Palacona," she smiled.

fattractive

Tue, 11/17/2009 - 14:47

Makarona, you are a genius.

Anonymous

Tue, 11/17/2009 - 15:29

This is the funniest site I have seen in YEARS !!!!!!!

Marwa7a

Tue, 11/17/2009 - 15:34

Guys, or girls, we dont know.. i love it..
its magnificant, im a big fan of what youre doing.

Beace

Haqmoun

Tue, 11/17/2009 - 15:34

So tragic. These VIPs should only be let back into Egypt if they do volunteer work in a slum :)

gamousa

Tue, 11/17/2009 - 19:25

oh blease, we want it more! witty biting and so very true comments - hopefully they contribute to a general wake up followed by action ... a people always has the rulers it deserves, we have a long way to go ...

Heba

Wed, 11/18/2009 - 13:45

love the louis vuitton print, right on.

a_elalaily

Wed, 11/18/2009 - 19:17

ROFL!! By far the funniest satire article I have ever read!

"Mrs. Louvre lost her husband to malnutrition, a bitter sweet experience as she has also lost significant weight herself. “Now that I’m a size two at last, I don’t need to see my psychiatrist anymore,” she said compromisingly."
HAHAHAHAHA. Classic!

I know this site is a spinoff of ONN, but it's still f**king hilarious!

Enayat

Fri, 11/20/2009 - 12:31

: )

loving the website and the idea behind..
yes a wake up call is in need!

great work makarona !!

Expat teacher

Fri, 11/20/2009 - 21:45

waiting for follow up article - "Swine Flu - the human toll" hundreds of VIP women forced to stay at home and look after their children.
"What am i supposed to do??? Cancel all my manicures, not go to the club? The school has given me absolutely no help with this!!! They haven't even offered online training for the maids to turn on the computer for my child to do their online learning!

hana

Sun, 11/22/2009 - 11:06

this is amazing ... ur great.. this is an amazing form of satire :) keep it up.. proud to see this honestly

Khadiga Hanem

Sun, 11/22/2009 - 14:59

Wallahi I don't know where all this 7iqd is coming from...the people of VIP have worked very hard to get to where they are. I don't see any of the masses agitating to bring Roche-Bobois to Egypt or to delete all the ugly bits from Cairo.

Seriously, if all you haters think their suffering is funny, let's see YOU balance such a hectic life of beautifying, socializing, checking out society rags to see if you're in there, gossiping, shopping, checking out people, getting "a little work", and "recuperating", while starving yourself at the same time. Trust me, you'd be EXHAUSTED...you should try it before you b&$% at others!

Aliaa

Tue, 11/24/2009 - 17:03

this is GENIUS :) First time on El Koshary Today and I am in love with it from the first spoon ;p

mostafa hamouda

Tue, 12/22/2009 - 12:49

3asaaaaaal ya Makarona :D walahi da7kteny ya ebny :)God keep U

ano

Sat, 12/26/2009 - 02:44

“It is physically impossible to raise children without nannies,” says one VIPian housewife. “I mean, I am a mother of two – how am I expected to raise them alone now that season five of Lost is airing on ShowSeries?”

I completely agree with her.
Either you follow the amazing plot or you don't, you can't let kids get in the way.

7aWoWshy

Mon, 01/04/2010 - 16:49

Although it was difficult to survive without the help during those two weeks (had to move into the Four Seasons), I managed to replace my Egyptian staff with Filipino nationals who had less problems getting their visas. There's always a way to fight the system!!!!!

Medo

Mon, 01/25/2010 - 15:57

again i do call all the refuges fro the VIP to regroup and form a government in the Exhale ........Welcome to Heliopolis!

Susu

Thu, 06/09/2011 - 01:29

AMAZING!!! I can't stop laughing!!

Roba Bikya

Thu, 06/09/2011 - 22:50

this website is the funniest thing ever. i love every article! ta7ya masr!

Susu

Fri, 06/10/2011 - 00:04

Still haven't stopped laughing!!! Great Job with this article!!

Shawnie

Tue, 06/21/2011 - 16:52

Ha, well maybe Mrs. Louvre needs to get some botox or a lifestyle lift to go with her new size 2 frame. I know this is a spoof article, however I did have a friend of mine that had a similar situation. Whenever she left town for 4-7 days for a trip, her husband would lose about 10 pounds because he wouldn't feed himself.

Post new comment

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.