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Men who sexually harass women admit to having "small balls"

Confirmed: They shout "mozza" and "assal" at women in hopes of making them bigger.

| Written by makarona

Thu, 12/09/2010 - 16:56

Veteran sexual harassers have come forward in recent weeks admitting they have “embarrassingly small balls.” It’s a condition they’ve spent their lives trying to remedy by affirming their manhood through constantly making women feel like pieces of meat, or worse, leftover sushi.

“I always go home and weigh my testes immediately after yelling ‘I SEX YOU’ at a girl on the street,” says Maged Maghsi, an unemployed bodybuilder from Shobra suffering from a condition known as “nano-nuts”.

Like many other young men, the idea that he could enlarge his testicles by harassing women first came to him when he was in his car one day with other small-balled youths. That day, Maghsi received much praise from his mates when he terrified a woman on the street by pretending to nearly run her over before yelling “bezzooooh” from his window.

“My friends were so proud of me and I just felt bigger down there, you know?” says Maghsi, who insisted that women enjoyed being harassed this way because “everyone likes attention” and “it makes them feel beautiful.”

A big believer in the Golden Rule, Maghsi says, “I believe in doing-onto-others-as-you-would-have-them-do-onto-you, and I’d certainly have women stare onto me with shameless lust while casually rubbing against me in the bus.”

However, the correlation between testicle size and the need to sexually harass women is worrying members of the male-only Egyptian Men Have Big Balls Association. Given rampant levels of sexual harassment in Egypt, this suggests that Egyptian men may have some of the smallest balls in the world.

According to feminist psychologist Nefar Mikyaj, the desire for men to have bigger balls stems from a deep-seated fear of breasts – Mikyaj claims men can’t accept that women’s are just bigger and so compensate for that by yearning for larger testes.

For bodybuilders like Maghsi, whose nano-nuts remain negligible even after years of harassing women, being able to bench press 200 kg is his only source of self-esteem. “If I wore bras,” he says proudly, “I’d probably be about a 64 B.” As he ages, he expects his gradual muscles loss will transform his man breasts into a narrower but more fatty 42 D.

Ultimately, some women, finally fed up with men’s insecurities, are now campaigning to stop sexual harassment by forcing men to get “ball jobs.” Currently, Maghsi and his other testicularly-challenged friends are already on the list to get tennis ball-sized replacements.

makarona

Thu, 12/09/2010 - 17:45

On a more serious note for our female readers, please check out www.harassmap.org. If any small-balled twat gives you grief you should immediately SMS: 0169870900 or email report@harassmap.org

Jasmine

Fri, 12/24/2010 - 03:01

Brilliant!

Anonymous

Fri, 12/24/2010 - 13:39

nefar 'mikyaj', 'maghsi' HAHAHAHAHAHA

Necsh

Sun, 01/16/2011 - 00:20

I was just about to write "brilliant" and found Jasmine had has already done it...

shox

Sun, 01/16/2011 - 15:36

i heard a story from my friend that boy aged 10-11 shows his balls to a girl
is there any possibility the nano-nuts disease is contagious or maybe its a congenital disease?

shox

Sun, 01/16/2011 - 15:36

i heard a story from my friend that boy aged 10-11 shows his balls to a girl
is there any possibility the nano-nuts disease is contagious or maybe its a congenital disease?

Hassan Mohamed Abouzekry

Thu, 02/24/2011 - 17:28

Gamda Mooot bgd I recommended to most of my friend To Read , I never Accepted for a girl to be harassed in front of me Before :) .
You Are Brilliant (who Wrote this )

Jesper

Thu, 02/24/2011 - 20:46

Love it.... I haven't laughed that much in a long long time.
I especially love the club "Egyptian Men Have Big Balls Association"
Great article.

Sara Khedre

Wed, 03/23/2011 - 10:20

Well I worked on a harassment project but never knew a "nano-nuts" reason behind it.

Hend

Wed, 03/23/2011 - 10:21

amazing, both persuasive and logical :)

Sara Khedre

Wed, 03/23/2011 - 10:39

I worked on a harassment project but never knew that nano-nuts was the reason behind.

Anonymous

Wed, 03/23/2011 - 23:17

HAHAHAHAHAHA ... this is so funny ... "ball jobs" LOL

Anonymous

Sat, 03/26/2011 - 00:19

Its obvious from the above comments that people yarn for disscusing sexual harassment even if this piece is far from witty or funny. People who oppose harrassment or are victims of it, would love such writings as it affirmate what they know. One seriouse note though, sexual harassment is not about sex or lust but power and domination. There a huge diffrence there. Keep writti g about it but from a funnier angle please and try to raise the roof a bit (I'd say they have small or penises at all)

Cheers

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