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Matar Man: The Secret Behind the Costume

The truth, uncovered, naked, ugly, nude and in plain words

| Written by subarlox

Fri, 03/05/2010 - 02:22

Weeks after the bizarre torrential downpours in Sinai and Upper Egypt and not so long ago again in Cairo, a project known only as "Matar Man" was leaked by an insider at the Ministry of the Inside. The report apparently details a plan to "artificially induce rain showers."

EKT's Ministry of the Inside mole, 00K, confirmed that ten top ministers, disguised as "common" Egyptians, gathered at Cedars Cafe to discuss concerns about fresh water scarcity in the coming years. After a round of tufa7ah's the project dubbed "Matar Man" was stealthily launched.

Bee2a minister El Pashmohandis Mat7ellaha Inta revealed the project was a collaborative effort with the Superior Council of Antiquities (SCA).

The SCA had recently uncovered tablets dating back to the great Uul Tut Abl May'fout Dynasty, which tell the story of a drought that lasted for years. According to the tablets, the ancients were only saved by a mysterious man named Ha Gib Hom Aho, who discovered a rain dance and chant that purportedly resulted in rainfall.

Apparently, project "Matar Man" hit a major snag before it even got off the ground. 00K told us a young, up and coming private from the army selected to master the dance and song had to have his identity erased from government databases. That task alone took three agricultural seasons. Finally late last year, the private, along with an official from SCA and the Ha Gib Hom Aho tablets, were flown out far into the Western desert to a secret location and left behind.

No word had been heard from either of the men left in the desert that day and nothing further was mentioned about "Matar Man" until now.

Almost nothing is known about the young Matar Man plucked from his home. EKT did manage to contact a woman named Um Matar Man, who claimed to be his mother, recalling sadly, "I used to always catch him at the balcony of our fifth floor apartment with his pants down and laughing giddily as he 'rained' urine on passersby," -- a tell tale sign of the young boy's eventual fate.

Pashmohandis Mat7ellaha Inta was reluctant to answer EKT's probing questions, but did leave us with a knowing smile and a gold-nugget of a clue when he pointed to the parallels between Matar Man and the wildly successful previous water project Toshka.

The clue was a comforting reminder that when the government has over $400 million to spend, it is the Egyptian masses that stand to reap the benefits.

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