ElBaradei reveals he is a trained Jedi Master

"We didn’t see that one coming," say intimidated authorities

• Features

| Written by makarona

Sun, 03/14/2010 - 13:30

News that Mohamed ElBaradei can manipulate “the force” has shaken Egypt’s governing party.

The winner of the Nobel "Hottest Mustache" Prize announced his powers by revealing his lightsaber during a meeting with "rebel" opposition parties in Egypt. He also claimed he is better known as "El-Barajedi" among inter-planetary circles.

According to National Democratic Party (NDP) spokesperson, Jaba El Koshk, “The announcement changes everything.” The NDP had already drawn up rough plans to discredit ElBaradei, 67, as being too old to run for president, unlike the current party leader, who has used technology to stabilize his biological age permanently at 60.

However, given that Jedis can live for a very long time, El Koshk says the NDP may have to discredit him using more severe methods, such as by calling him an American agent, or worse, a "Zamalkawi."

ElBaradei, who is demanding constitutional changes that ensure fair elections, as well as the right for men to wear ballet costumes freely, has warned he still retains much of his Jedi skills, often using the force to tickle his grandchildren from a distance.

Indeed, some are already speculating whether ElBaradei's mastery of the “force choke” had something to do with a recent gall bladder incident.

What is certain is that some of ElBaradei’s odd behavior now makes sense. For instance, it was reported that while giving an unscheduled speech to members of parliament at the People’s Assembly, ElBaradei suddenly commanded somberly while waving his hand: “You no longer accept bribes.”

It appears at this point, though, that ElBaradei was merely showing off his skill with the Jedi Mind Trick, knowing full well it wouldn't work on changing habits of a near genetic nature.

Nevertheless, the Jedi Master has stated that if he becomes president, he will bring balance to the force in Egypt, unleashing an army of R2D2s to remove the heaps of garbage from the country’s streets.

However, challenges may lie ahead. Since ElBaradei’s announcement, rumours have been mounting that a very senior member of the NDP may in fact be a Sith Lord. There are whispers in Egypt’s blogosphere that he is preparing to unleash his young padawan, simply known as Darth Jimmy.