Mon, 01/28/2013 - 13:41
In the early hours of Sunday the 27th of January, after a bloody weekend in Egypt that saw President Morsi formally address the nation by tweeting at 2am, the three key figureheads of Egypt's National Salvation Front (NSF) got into a pillow fight over a disagreement about who would speak first at an upcoming NSF press conference.
"Me," said Moussa.
"No, me," said ElBaradei.
"Shotgun me!" Sabahi exclaimed.
"That's not faaaaair!" Moussa and ElBaradei reportedly whined in unison, at which point former culture minister Farouk Hosni, who was in the corner of the room attempting to paint a Dorian Gray-type portrait of Gamal Mubarak in order to eternally maintain his youth, asked: "Aren't you guys a little old for this shit?"
However, the quarrel truly began when ElBaradei suggested it was time to consider calling for a national strike, to which Moussa was completely against, arguing that such a strike may interfere with an incoming shipment of foie gras to Hosni Mubarak's prison cell.
At this point, ElBaradei muttered "felool ma3arass" under his breath. Moussa, who apparently heard him, retorted by telling ElBaradei that at least he could string an entire sentence together without stammering half a dozen times in the process.
Suddenly, Sabahi allegedly broke out crying, seemingly randomly saying he wasn't even sure if he believed in socialism anymore after finding out that a truly leftist economic system may make it difficult for him to continue importing his favourite aftershave from Switzerland.
Moussa reportedly smacked him with a pillow at this point, telling Sabahi to "man up". Suddenly, within seconds, the three men had stripped half naked and were beating each other with pillows, at first furiously, later playfully.
EKT has managed to attain exclusive photographic evidence of the scandal.
Witnesses said the entire episode unfolded while Will.i.am's latest hit Scream & Shout & Let it all Out featuring Britney Spears blasted in the background. Farouk Hosni allegedly also popped open a champagne bottle and smothered the three with its contents as they fought and laughed together.
However, perhaps most controversially, the trio reportedly momentarily made out at the end of the pillow fight, apparently as a means of "letting it all out." They only broke away after ElBaradei screamed "What has become of us??!?" and ran off.
Sources close to the Front say the three have not been seen together since.
In the meantime, talks are already underway to set up a National Salvation Front to save the National Salvation Front. Until then, it remains to be seen just who suffers more from personal and psychosexual issues: Egypt's eradicate-porn-first-and-heal-the-economy-later government, or it's pillow-fighting opposition.