Mon, 12/30/2013 - 15:44
Egypt’s Interior Ministry vehemently denied accusations today of being a terrorist group, denouncing the claim as “conceptual nonsense.”
Earlier this week, a group of Egyptian philosophers called “No More Stockholm Syndrome” (NMSS) accused the ministry of systematically using violence to “regularly kill unarmed and innocent civilians, beating and severely injuring thousands of them, kidnapping hundreds of others, while detaining countless more in inaccessible and often unknown terror compounds called ‘prisons’ without any stated or official reason, as well as engaging in other technically terrorist activities.”
In a public statement rejecting the accusations, the Interior Minister, Mekahrab Bedan, an ex-ball sack electrocution specialist who was first hired by the now officially terrorist Muslim Brotherhood, noted the definition of a terrorist on Wikipedia (pictured).
“As you can see,” Bedan said, “terrorists are ‘characterized by having large, scary beards.’ The ministry as an organisation has a strict 'No Beards' policy, so, really, it’s conceptual nonsense to call us terrorist.”
Bedan continued: “Is it true that we have killed more than 2000 unarmed civilians over the past 3 years? Is it true that we regularly kidnap people, that we constantly detain civilians without charges and put them in disgusting rooms where not even their lawyers can reach them? Is it true that we occasionally rape and torture them? Is it even true that we sometimes blow up a church, or knowingly allow for one to get blown up, in order to set off the kind of sectarian atmosphere that can justify even harsher crackdowns?”
After a dramatic pause, Bedan concluded while audibly suppressing a laugh: “The public prosecutor has found no evidence for any of this.”
Seif Naqdi, a member of the NMSS, told EKT: “I think if we actually compare the number of innocent civilians who have been directly and literally terrorized by our interior ministry compared to by the Muslim Brotherhood this past year, things would be a lot more clear.” Naqdi stopped tuning into Egyptian TV and radio earlier this year, thereby keeping intact large portions of his brain’s frontal lobe, the seat of basic, critical thinking.
The NMSS has also accused the ministry of receiving funding and training from foreign, extremist organisations such as the notorious US State Department, which has killed and injured more innocent, unarmed civilians in the last decade alone than any other terrorist group in the history of terrorism.
“This western terror group supplies Egypt’s Interior Ministry with thousands of biological weapons called “tear gas” that regularly suffocate innocent civilians to death,” says Naqdi, who is also concerned about the sheer number of birds that must have also died as the poisonous gas enveloped their outdoor homes, also known as “trees.”
The NMSS believes that the interior ministry is part of a larger umbrella terrorist group that operates in every nation. These generally secretive, armed and very dangerous departments share the same terrorist goal of ensuring that the thousands of years old tradition – that is, of influential people, whoever they are, controlling the lives of less influential people – is maintained by any means necessary.