Wednesday, 26th of November, 2014
Subscribe to our feed RSS

Egypt's Elite Declare Independence from Egypt

Claim "only way to end the class divide"

| Written by makarona

Wed, 10/28/2009 - 12:59

In an admirable effort to end class segregation in Egypt, residential compounds in El Sheikh Zayed City have united their borders and declared themselves an independent nation. The name of the new country on the western outskirts of Cairo is yet to be announced, though rumours suggest the contending names are Eliteland, Etiquettestan, and the more descriptive Republique des Villas et Piscines.

The decision to withdraw from Egypt came after the compounds’ wealthy residents decided that the best way to end the unjust divide in Egypt between the “haves” and the “have-nots” was to put all the “haves” in their own separate country.

“The inequality between the classes has finally ended,” declared President Chantel Abdel Moneim in English, head of the newly formed state, but also part-time housewife and poodle lover. Speaking from the rooftop of her villa (which was purportedly airlifted in its entirety from Tuscany), she added, "L'Égypte, alors, is no longer a segregated country of the very poor and the très riches. Without us sharing the border, it is finalement a society of equal no opportunities with more justly spread out expériences of suffering."

Indeed, since the breaking away, Egypt has been declared by the UN as the most equal society on the planet. All remaining 98% live equably just below or just above the international poverty line.

Once again, it seems Karl Marx was wrong. After all of history’s past struggles to bridge the divides between the classes, the solution turned out to be a simple matter of rearranging borders.

El Koshary Today will be back with more news on the newly formed state, with controversial rumours that the only koshary venue inside is being shut down and replaced with a Louis Vuitton boutique.

Anonymous

Wed, 01/12/2011 - 19:06

el salamo 3aloekooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ya gid3an

Anonymous

Sat, 04/23/2011 - 20:47

This newspaper is funny and witty. I am glad I tried it.

oshi

Sat, 05/21/2011 - 10:59

is only sharing the border will end the class segregation in Egypt?!
are you joking

xxx

Sun, 05/22/2011 - 02:21

so.. we are making fun of the rich in egypt . let me guess? everyone participating doesnt live in any of the mentioned areas.. we all live in bola2 and make 500 pound a month ? sa7? we just type in english to piss off the elitists!

Artist Seeks Job

Wed, 09/07/2011 - 07:59

Dear Mrs. President Chantel,
I introduce my services to you as an art advisor,
My qualifications though not many, since my lover made off with most of my work to revel nights in the back streets of my native Florence.
Though some consider my talents as a portrait artist 'not bad' ....others don't even pay me to keep them ....like this funny lady called Mona....something or other....though I really worked hard on giving her an enigmatic smile.
I have designed certain mechanical objects but the local clerics say these will lead to no good. I therefore keep my plans of flying machines in an encrypted hidden diary which I am willing to sell for bread, wine and olive oil.....it is true that I need to buy tools for painting but I have a rich friend that provides me with eggs and pigments.
Since my home town has been ravaged by a revolt....all my nude paintings that sold well have been covered up and no one buys them except the parish priest....and in return .... He accepts my confession.
I am now weary of the mistrust I sense and seek a job in your republic.
I can do excellent Trompe L'oiel....I can rearrange all your furniture, reate a poodle marine, that can take them snorkeling, I could even diagnose your Phlebities as I have had an interest in anatomy....and I think wrote and drew some sketches....now where did I leave that ?
I know you have a particular taste for Tuscany and I don't live too far from there.
I will do anything to please your taste I know I have a hidden talent somewhere.
Regards
Leonardo D.V.
Florence.

Daizy

Tue, 12/06/2011 - 14:34

guys now i will be facing a huge problem i lived my whole life in heliopolise ( Korba) 31 years, and now i will be moving to tagamo3 awal next month, so ana keda eh maseeereee:( 7AD YEFAHEMNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII ANA HATGANEN

Anonymous

Mon, 05/21/2012 - 18:43

You should have called your paper "Tahshish" I'm having a great time reading it and look forward to your u tubes especially after the elections!
Good luck!

Norodin Alonto Lucman

Thu, 06/21/2012 - 23:18

Oh, the land of "Chantilly Lace" amid the squalor of the City of the Dead. Chantel should be proud of his pretentious kingdom by the Nile.

Post new comment

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.