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Egypt's Elite Declare Independence from Egypt

Claim "only way to end the class divide"

| Written by makarona

Wed, 10/28/2009 - 12:59

In an admirable effort to end class segregation in Egypt, residential compounds in El Sheikh Zayed City have united their borders and declared themselves an independent nation. The name of the new country on the western outskirts of Cairo is yet to be announced, though rumours suggest the contending names are Eliteland, Etiquettestan, and the more descriptive Republique des Villas et Piscines.

The decision to withdraw from Egypt came after the compounds’ wealthy residents decided that the best way to end the unjust divide in Egypt between the “haves” and the “have-nots” was to put all the “haves” in their own separate country.

“The inequality between the classes has finally ended,” declared President Chantel Abdel Moneim in English, head of the newly formed state, but also part-time housewife and poodle lover. Speaking from the rooftop of her villa (which was purportedly airlifted in its entirety from Tuscany), she added, "L'Égypte, alors, is no longer a segregated country of the very poor and the très riches. Without us sharing the border, it is finalement a society of equal no opportunities with more justly spread out expériences of suffering."

Indeed, since the breaking away, Egypt has been declared by the UN as the most equal society on the planet. All remaining 98% live equably just below or just above the international poverty line.

Once again, it seems Karl Marx was wrong. After all of history’s past struggles to bridge the divides between the classes, the solution turned out to be a simple matter of rearranging borders.

El Koshary Today will be back with more news on the newly formed state, with controversial rumours that the only koshary venue inside is being shut down and replaced with a Louis Vuitton boutique.

Anonymous

Thu, 10/29/2009 - 15:27

I think the "poodle-lover" and the "tuscany house" were not "culture-specific" to the rich of Egypt.
Also, won't they unite with 6th of October or Katameya soon? And what about all the refugees in Zamalek?

makarona

Thu, 10/29/2009 - 16:28

Refugees in Zamalek can join the new Republique if they can come up with the appropriate bank statements. And while poodles and tuscany style houses might be a little out there, reports suggest President Chantel isn't your usual rich witch. 6th of Oct would definitely not make the cut. More news about the new state next week!

Amr

Sat, 10/31/2009 - 13:42

The choice of highlands in comparison with the surrounding topography, and the safe passage cutting through Boulaq adDakrour (near the infamous sign "Please refrain from using car horns, you sons of low lives") has raised concerns, given the parallel situation in Israel/West Bank, and stirred fears by those living further East (although not as far East as Abbaseia) regarding the intention of the new nation towards Egypt. Do you have any information on the level of diplomatic representation between the two nations? Can we expect naturalised relations?

President Chantel

Sat, 10/31/2009 - 14:50

How dare you compare us to Israel?! We put all this effort to break away from your society to end the class divide and you tell us this is looking like the Israel/West Bank situation!? You can forget about ever crossing the border to breathe our fresh air or roll around in our greener grass. And you can definitely forget about making it to the amazing sale at our local Louis Vuitton!

Bringy

Mon, 11/02/2009 - 01:17

hmm i love koshary with fried bassal

Me3za

Mon, 11/02/2009 - 02:00

How about the kingdom of Kattameya Heights 90210!? Both states could enter into violent "eshtebakat" over who gets the more exclusive spots in newlybuilt extensions of their territories on the north coast (previously, a desert)... The UN would have to intervene thus leading to an official recognition by the international community. Egyptians would then have to queue to get their visa applications "yay".

Hossam Abd El Rahman El Manakhly

Mon, 11/02/2009 - 12:07

good site

Khaled

Tue, 11/03/2009 - 00:29

Nice article, and a creative website
keep going

Clairol Nice n Easy

Tue, 11/03/2009 - 21:45

What I want to know before purchasing one of your Tuscany style villa's in the newly formed Democratic Republique of Sheikh Zayid, is it going to have it's own security police force.
I want to be able to ensure that no 'riff raff' will be scaling my walls looking through my dustbins, or looking through my windows at my exquisite gold Louix XVIth ornate chaise longues, or other expensive pieces.

Are only poodles allowed or can other breeds like Chihuahua and Lhasa Apso live a carefree life in Sheikh Zayid too?.

Shal"dh"am

Wed, 11/04/2009 - 18:38

Now we've got East and West Egypt, along the same lines of East and West Germany.

I hope when the Giza Wall (aka Berlin Wall) is demolished and all spies are exchanged, the Arab Union (the parallel of European Union) will have been established.

Wait for me. I am coming.

Anonymous

Wed, 11/04/2009 - 21:52

lates news that mr.gamal mubarak will join the new nation in shk zayed------???
no reason given--but they say he think he belong to more understanding nation

gjoe

Thu, 11/05/2009 - 14:32

So who is running for president?

AbdelGhany

Mon, 11/09/2009 - 17:47

QUOTE

Once again, it seems Karl Marx was wrong. After all of history’s past struggles to bridge the divides between the classes, the solution turned out to be a simple matter of rearranging borders.

UNQUOTE

Hahaha.. Oh that's really funny :D:D

And "once again" is really funny:D:D

masrymon

Thu, 11/12/2009 - 12:24

A recent book in egypt titled Utopia had predicted this would happen.

In the book, it talked about youngsters coming out to the old lands to start hunting their old fellow countrymen for sport, since all the dogs cats camels etc have already been hunted and eaten ...

im gonna hunt for some 3omda koshary

nehal

Thu, 11/12/2009 - 13:10

as much as its Hilarious article,it's painful to some extent..!!

Pinky

Fri, 11/13/2009 - 02:35

Sharbaat ya Makarona!!
I hope that president Chantel Abdel Moneim doesn't have any sons!

Lala

Tue, 11/17/2009 - 09:29

i live in sheikh zayed city, in a villa, but i'm broke, as is my husband... do we still qualify to join the new republic?

Nancy

Thu, 11/19/2009 - 01:52

I don't know, Lala, maybe you can look into duel citizenship?

I'm sure we can work something out.. :)

nas fadya awy -.-

AL MANSOUR

Tue, 12/01/2009 - 11:28

The International Newspapers (PEPPI SE SOUIR & KAKA DE LA MOND)
Confirmed the new country announcement
Also the united nation declared the new country as one of the first word countries more over the nuclear power organization accused the haven’t land as terrorist support country and producing weapons of mass destruction
The Atlantic unions banded & curfew the haven’t land as they are IRANIAN SHEA SUPORTED BY PHALASTENIAN HAMAS & ALGERIAN FOOTBALL TEAM

EL-ZOZ

Fri, 12/11/2009 - 06:10

As the president of the movement for an independent Alex and as the owner of the water ways of the Mediterranean I hereby decree that any merchandise (Persian rugs, Italian marble French furnisher or Spanish wine) destined to the newly formed states of Katamiya, sheikh zayed or any other area joining the united states of Etiquettestan shall be fined in gold L.E’s (since the pound is useless the dollar is worthless and the yen… well I can’t speak their language) to alleviate the sunburns of the sa7el residence furthermore president chantel and her poodles are herby banished from the Mediterranean no more marina for her or any of her country men.

Tom

Mon, 12/14/2009 - 01:45

Enjoyed the story about the crocs and Aswan dam. We in the U.S. are always having implausible plots by "extremists" foiled at the last moment. Since our country likes to make "extraordinary renditions" of prisoners to Egypt, I thought an alternative title would also be appropriate:

WHO SAYS TORTURS DOESN'T WORK?
CROCODILES CONFESS TO PLOT AGAINST ASWAN DAM

silver

Sat, 12/26/2009 - 02:41

me3za.. your name made me "لوول "

amazing site :)

Medo

Mon, 01/25/2010 - 14:16

people of al Mahrousa i would like to point out the historical and pioneering attempt made before by citizens of "Zefta" to declare their independence from the english ruler at the time
but miserably failed because .............................. OMG! no one wanted to live in a republic called"Zifta" so please do chose carefully the name of any new republic and be sure it will have a face book account to measure its popularity.

P.s: Heliopolis is a nice name and can form a good republic i guess ...... dont know have been away from egypt for years now.so please advice if it is not eligible any more !

Kokha

Thu, 05/13/2010 - 15:53

How can I apply to a visa to Eliteland? can I reach it by boat? do I need a work permit?

Anonymous

Tue, 06/08/2010 - 09:22

Dear Madame Chantel,
will there be consulates or embassies so plumbers, woodworkers and sweepers can apply for visas when need to maintain you unique kingdom? I am sure your delicate hands have much better use than scraping the floor or de-urinizing the toilets and bathrooms, or picking up litter from your bratty children.
Please advice if there will be full body search at the border, since I can change my clothes only once a year. And if you can endear yourself with a set of phone numbers to contact above mentioned institutions or outlets.

Always ready to serve

you humble local serviceman

Anonymous

Wed, 07/07/2010 - 17:07

As an Egyptian resident in the UK, I am slightly concerned about the quota system in your new republic. Give it a good thought before including ethnic minorities or you'll end up with all sorts of immigrants who may abuse the system. Read the Daily Mail please.

Anonymous

Wed, 09/22/2010 - 00:06

hmm eliteland, how classy.

Mohamed

Thu, 09/23/2010 - 12:55

Nice article sarcastically describing the situation in Egypt.

Serjj

Wed, 11/10/2010 - 03:56

Well this article is truly interesting since i live in Sheikh Zayed in a closed compound and this matter worries me since month's..the gab between classes in getting bigger and normal people begin to looks to 'higher' people with some racist look and the contrary.. i actually know that because i live this everyday
ironically in Zayed the only thing separate the two classes is Hyper road.
really interesting article
welldone!

Anonymous

Thu, 11/25/2010 - 16:18

i personally think this mite get really ugly between the Sheikh Zadians - the Katamians - and the asylum seekers in Zamalek.... i think they should have a Nation Congress meeting very soon to talk things out.... probably in Tamarai, where they wont have to mix with the likes of..... us.

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