Wed, 10/21/2009 - 23:38
In a new measure to curb perverse thinking among cinema goers, the Egyptian Thoughts and Fantasies Control Committee (ETFCC) has now decreed that all scenes showing women’s bare hands are to be edited out.
Already having cut out kissing scenes and any footage showing the behinds of cows and sheep, this latest ruling of the ETFCC is based on the verdict that “hands are gateways to indecent pleasures,” and comes as a stifling assault on media freedom in Egypt.
However, in an act of laudable moderation, the committee has agreed to merely blur out bare hands if the scene in question is pivotal to the storyline.
“We were shocked to find out,” said Metelqeesh Nazra, head of the ETFCC, “that if we did not compromise and resort to merely blurring out the hands in the important scenes, then many Western films would be reduced to the credits segment only. It is very disturbing how often bare female hands appear in Western films. Very disturbing!”
This latest censoring declaration by the committee comes amidst rumours of the so-called “CGI veil” – a computer generated image in the shape of a veil that is superimposed over “heathen” actresses’ heads. The image then follows actresses as they move, ensuring their hair is covered at all times.
“We are using the latest in special effects to create matching veils for each actress in each film,” said Howana Motahafiz, head of the joint state and Muslim Brotherhood campaign suspiciously called Oppression is the Answer. Motahafiz is keen to launch the new censoring veil, though he notes that current technical difficulties result in a small time lag between the position of the veil and the actresses’ moving heads, leading to a “mild but nonetheless demonic striptease.”
CGI veils have been prominent in Saudi Arabia for years now, with recent figures suggesting that, despite a significant increase in homosexual acts since their inception, the graphic device has reduced perverse thoughts by a third.
Opponents to the graphic veils are worried about a slippery slope, with mounting rumours of computer generated images of superimposed beards and forehead rug burns being tested on Matthew Mcconaughey’s latest films.
All is not lost for cinemas in Egypt, however. While sexual acts and innuendos are all but erased, violence and gore are increasingly tolerated by the censors. And, as one cinema enthusiast told El Koshary Today, “Who needs to see a Mona Zaki’s hands when you can see Ibrahim El-Abyad chopping away the hands of other men?”
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