Thursday, 11th of March, 2010
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After years of deliberation, Egyptian authorities have finally decided to ban poverty. Any individuals exhibiting signs of poverty will now be made unavailable, and promptly removed from the Egyptian market.
"We have been in negotiations with poor people for a long time," said a statement from the Ministry of Bad & Boor Beebol, "yet they have consistently refused to meet our demands and raise their living standards. This leaves us no choice but to ban them."
The ban, effective immediately, is expected to reduce Egypt's population by about 82%. Religious extremists, however, have decreed that the ban is blasphemous, noting that it will leave remaining Egyptians with no one to give alms to, a prerequisite for entering heaven.
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After a career-threatening scandal, Tiger Woods penned a deal last week with Egypt's controversial 3arza2 sex shop to promote its products for as long as it takes him to return to golf. 3azra2, Egypt's first and only known sex shop, is hoping this major signing will help it recover from an earlier setback regarding its logo, which forced it to shut down. (Click here, then scroll down for more info about 3azra2.) With sponsorship deals collapsing...
National therapist Duktor Nader Nafsani has broken with doctor-patient confidentiality, revealing that the being known as “Government” is undergoing therapy to deal with some of his personal issues. "Government is on the verge of a nervous breakdown," says Nafsani, who is also a part-time elevator conductor at the Ministry of Subconscious Affairs. Born in 1952, Government has since showed several...
Weeks after the bizarre torrential downpours in Sinai and Upper Egypt and not so long ago again in Cairo, a project known only as "Matar Man" was leaked by an insider at the Ministry of the Inside. The report apparently details a plan to "artificially induce rain showers."EKT's Ministry of the Inside mole, 00K, confirmed that ten top ministers, disguised as "common" Egyptians, gathered at Cedars...
The Reduction of Egypt’s Population through Senseless Road Accidents Committee* (TROEPTSRAC) convened last week to determine the fate of Mohamed Mitrakhus – a microbus driver who has consistently failed to cause a senseless accident in over a full year. Suspicion first fell on Mitrakhus...
Today, Egypt celebrates Police Day – a day that only traitors and other rational thinkers consider ironic in being an "enforced" holiday for both private and public sectors. Unlike Mother’s Day, which gives thanks to little more than a few ounces of milk and some “rearing”, Police Day shows...
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